sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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