help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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