You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
