The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
