All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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