Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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