she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got her a Nickelback box set.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My bed smells like the plague
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
