you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
