Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
