I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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