Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
