My Higher Power is John Stamos
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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