i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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