He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
