I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
