Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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