Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
