Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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