you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
