it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
