I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
