I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
