i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
