____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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