....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
