so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
