How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bring money and cleavage
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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