Someone shit on the floor
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
