I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She bit a glass in half.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
