I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
