Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
