All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
