I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
