I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
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She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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