wat bout pragnant strippers??
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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