this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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