i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize