Pregnant stripper...not hot.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
