Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
