Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
