i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
