no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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