Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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