I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
