Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
