She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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