I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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