there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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