You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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