I didn't shave. On purpose
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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