Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
