Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
