god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
