Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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