It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
