everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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