So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
third nipple confirmed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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