Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
