Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
