I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
