I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
