The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
