Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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