Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone threw a dead crab at me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
