:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
