And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
