Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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