I am puke
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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