I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
